As I have mentioned before I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. My ovaries are covered in cysts and my hormone levels are out of control. Until recently I have had a relatively normal period despite this. My periods were in no way a reflection of ovulation. My body just knew it had a job to do, but most of the time ovulation did not occur.
I didn’t have a period for 2 ½ months which was concerning. Then I had a short period for about 3 days. This was also concerning. I then noticed my body weight was shifting to around my abdomen and my nipples darkened. It was weird. Then today, three weeks after my short period. My period started again. I woke up this morning with terrible cramps.
I felt like I was having a bad period mixed with the amount of pain I had when I woke up from gallbladder surgery. It was not pleasant. I knew if I kept moving and worked through it I would be okay. It took me until about 6 o’clock this evening to truly feel better. I am very tired tonight and looking forward to a nice relaxing slumber.
Aside from my period issues, my mom is upset because she only has two grand children. I feel guilty because I know I cannot give her any grand children. I will not be contributing to the expansion of my family line. It is saddening to me to know that my little branch on my family tree will end with me. My Master and I really wanted to have a child together and we gave it an honest effort. But we are not willing to use IVF as an option or risk my health for hormone treatments.
I do find it ironic that the day my odd period starts my mom calls me crying about not having many grand kids. I know I shouldn’t feel sad about not being able to produce a child but it does feel like a part of my life is missing and my Master spent so much time training with parenting. I took parenting classes and the whole nine yards in anticipation of having my own child. But it seems it was all for nothing.