Wednesday, November 30, 2011
My Master has been taking good care of me, but I feel guilty about not being able to keep up with things around the house and I really want to get back to work. Sadly, I do not think I will be going back to work, until I keep up around the house. The rate things are going with my illness that could be awhile.
I have been playing a lot of computer games lately. I have noticed that even with question vision and attention span it is possible to play computer games. It’s not exactly a productive use of time and I fail to see why anyone would want to play computer games on a daily basis. There is after all a whole world outside this house that I am missing.
To keep from losing my sanity, I have a couple goals for each week.
So exciting goals of things to do for this week include:
Working on my quilt
Cleaning off my Master’s dresser
Putting up the Christmas tree
Saturday, November 26, 2011
It did clarify the way I feel about some things and it finally clicked and made sense. One of the things was not to say, “I want a family.” In reference to either being pregnant or wanting children. The article talked about how that is basically calling the childless person an orphan and inferring they do not have a family. That struck me. I realized that because of the way society has treated me, for not having children, I felt cast aside like someone who doesn’t have a family. I actually have a very large family and a number of siblings. I have a family and I have a big family.
I have heard for more inconsiderate things that the “I want a family.” remark. I have also been told by people outside of my relationship that I have not done my wifely duty by conceiving a child. I have never been pregnant, so in the eyes of some people I was failing as a wife. When I first encountered this rude comment, I would attempt to explain that we are having fertility issues. Overtime, I found there is no reasoning with these people, so I just tell them I am not judging them so I would appreciate it if they didn’t judge me. Then I would repeat the same line with every subsequent comment.
The other thing that gets me about being an infertile adult is how everyone who isn’t judging me for not having kids also has infertility issues, in their mind. It bothers me when someone is talking to me and they have their 2.5 children. Then they start talking about how infertility affected them and their issue was not really infertility it was not getting pregnant on their desired time frame. Then they go on to tell me about all the weird tricks they found to help them get pregnant. I tend to glaze over when I talk to them, because their tricks and ideas probably did not affect them having a baby. They are fertile and they got pregnant because they had sex at the right time. I am infertile. I cannot have children, no matter what foods I eat or what position I have sex in.
One other thing that stood out to me in the article was when a mother says she cannot die because she has children. This would mean that the childless person is 100% expendable and the mother is not expendable. I think when someone says they cannot die for whatever reason; they are being selfish. We all will die someday when God chooses. In the case of being a mother as the reason why one cannot die, I think it is a result of poor planning on the mother’s part.
When my Master and I decided to have a child one of the things we decided on is who would care for any children in the event of our deaths. We can die at anytime and part of being a responsible parent is making sure the child will be taken care of regardless of whether or not we are alive. This doesn’t mean that the death of a child’s parent won’t be traumatic for the child, but the child will get passed it. Kids are adaptable and if a support network was setup for the child before the death of a parent. The child has the best chance possible for a normal life.
The other things in article was interesting, like not inviting someone to parties because they do not have children, apologizing for taking a while to get back to the childless person, and referring to the childless person’s pets as their children. I think apologizing is common courtesy and not being invited to parties happens. There are some parties where children are not invited too. I also refer to my pets as my kids sometimes and I talk to them like I would a kid. My siblings think that is quirky.
Monday, November 21, 2011
My Master advised me, I didn’t have to cook a full Thanksgiving meal. But as I walked outside and felt the crisp fall air and saw the cases for turkeys at the grocery store I felt compelled to make a Thanksgiving meal. It is not going to be as big as I normally make it, but we decided on doing a pared down meal. I suppose our biggest paring down is we are forgoing the sweet potatoes and we are only making one pie. We are also not making any cookies or appetizers.
What we are having is homemade dinner rolls, broccoli casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, turkey, and pumpkin pie. I am actually looking forward to our Thanksgiving. I think it will be a nice intimate meal. I have spent some time figuring out how to make this meal happen without over straining myself. I have been sick lately (for about two months) so my strength is not where it once was and holiday baking has always been stressful for me.
I have delevoped a game plan, so I am not doing everything in one day. I cannot afford to do everything in one day because if I start having an episode, the whole thing falls apart. I decided on Tuesday, I am going to make the batter for the dinner rolls. It will last in the refrigerator for about a week, so it is okay to make it in advance. Then on the morning of Thanksgiving all I have to do is let it rise one more time and bake it. On Tuesday, I am also going to start marinating the turkey. I haven’t decided how I am going to marinate it. I think my Master and I will discuss that this evening to see if he has any input.
On Wednesday, I am going to make the pumpkin pie. This way the pie will have time to cool and setup before Thanksgiving dinner. Hopefully, my Master won’t get into it. My Master and I have been having a competition of sorts on who has the better pie crust. We each have different recipes. I think the next time family comes into town we will have a taste test. We will probably have to do this with his family because my family has a thing with not eating the crust.
On Thursday, I am going to make the dinner rolls after breakfast and put the turkey into bake mid-afternoon. The sides should be fairly simple to make and my Master can take those over if needed. He likes to cook, so he has said it won’t be a big deal if I need his help. The most complicated side items are going to be the mashed potatoes and the stuffing, both of which my Master likes to add things too.
I think my Master and I have a pretty good game plan. I am hoping everything runs smoothly. My Master and I will not be participating in Black Friday shopping. I cannot think of anything I want, besides my health and I do not think I will be able to find that on sale.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
This is a picture of a rope flogger I made. The total cost was about 3 dollars.
You will need:
A wooden dowel
Rope of your desired thickness
A hot glue gun
First you cut the dowel to about 6 inches, so you have a decent size handle. I used a 1/8 inch thick dowel for the flogger pictured because I wanted a small flogger. If I was using thicker rope, I would have used a thicker dowel.
Then you cut the rope to the desired length and glue it to the dowel. Each strand is about 24 inches long. I start at the top the handle and glue each strand all the way down handle. This makes it more stable. I usually do 12 to 24 strands of rope on the flogger.
You will want to burn the end of each strand with a lighter so it doesn’t come undone. Be careful not to burn yourself or let the end touch anything until it has cooled down.
Then you take rope and start at the top of handle and wrap all the way down the bottom of the handle putting a little bit of glue along the way to hold it in place.
Monday, November 14, 2011
I do not think it is necessary to verbalize negative emotions 100% of the time. I think that emotions are something that needs to be kept in check and it is important to work through those emotions without feeding those emotions. There are various ways to do this. Some people pray, go for a walk, have some alone time, work on a craft, play a video game, and etc.
When I feel negative emotions, I try not to let the emotion get the better of me. I like my alone time when I am feeling those things so I can sort through things. Generally, having some time to myself and sometimes even a short nap is all I need to get my emotions in check.
This does not mean I am bottling up my emotions rather by having my alone time or whatever else I do, I am expelling the negativity and looking for the positive. I find the positive and I learn from the positive behind every negative situation there is something positive that can be learned or shared.
Friday, November 11, 2011
I made a meal similar to the one pictured and posted it on my FB page, one of my friends commented asking if I was on a diet. I told her no and I normally eat like this. She then commented about that must be why I am skinny.
I do not consider myself skinny. To me skinny is someone who is underweight and I am not underweight for my height. My Master is very particular about keeping me within a healthy weight range. I also like to try to get my nutrients from the foods that I eat rather than a pill. It doesn’t always work out, but at least I have a goal. The simplest way to describe my diet is a heart healthy diet.
About the salad..
The salad pictured has preseason salmon fillet on it that I got fairly cheap with a coupon. They were decent, but it takes about the same time to bake that salmon fillet as one I seasoned myself. If it wasn’t for the coupon making it cheap, I wouldn’t say it is a good investment.
The lettuce is romaine with chopped up broccoli on it. I used a potato peeler to slice the carrots into little strips on the salad. Then I added shredded cheese and toasted almonds. (I mentioned how to make toasted almonds in an earlier post.)
Thursday, November 10, 2011
I am not wealthy, but I love garlic toasted almonds. I small bag of them at the store is fairly expense, but if I toast the almonds at home it is significantly less expense. I like toasted almonds on my salads or just for a snack.
To do this, I put about half a teaspoon of olive oil in a pan with a ¼ tsp of minced garlic over medium high heat.
Then add about ½ to ¾ cup of almond, toss until golden brown. It will take about 5 minutes.
Then I place the almonds on a paper towel to cool.
Monday, November 7, 2011
I have been sitting at home with video cameras on me and 24 electrodes wired to my head. I feel like a science project to say the least. My hair is a mess complete with glue holding the electrodes in place. It is mildly uncomfortable to sleep so I have been a little worn out lately. I really hope this pin points what is wrong. I am mildly optimistic at this point, but I have my reservations.
For anyone that wondered what my hair looks like all wired up, here you go.