Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Age Difference and Its importance to me

When I was seeking a Master, I purposely sought an older Master. I am not attracted to men my own age. I wanted a Master who is educated, has life experience, and has a track record of making good decisions.

Education was very important to me. After my first failed M/s relationship I was a college student and I did not want a Master who was not a college graduate. It was important for me for my Master to have a higher educational level than myself. I think it has something to do with control, because I have an associate degree and my Master has a Masters degree he is more intelligent than me. Having a Master that is smarter than me is very important. I feel if my Master had either a lower educational level than me or wasn’t as intelligent as me. I would be tempted to walk all over him, I would question his judgment, and I would not have nearly as much respect for him.

Typically, life experience is gained slowly throughout life. The exception to that is if you’ve had a lot of things happen to you early in life. The majority of people my age have not faced the same struggles and tests as people in my Master’s generation. His experience is important to me, so I know what to do in a situation I haven’t faced before. In situations that are unfamiliar to me are familiar to my Master.

I wanted someone as my Master, who did not make a lot of stupid decisions. I didn’t want someone that partied, lived in their parent’s basement and etc. I wanted a responsible adult as my Master.

Physical appearance was not of high importance to me. I did have a preference for grey hair because I find it sexy and I love blue eyes. I think I am lucky, because in my Master I found what I am looking for grey hair and blue eyes included.


Sunday, June 27, 2010

Volunteer Work

Over the weekend I volunteered some of my time to help out at a going away party for a terminally ill child. (Not a going away as in passing away, going away as in going on a fun trip.) It was a lot of work. I spent most of my time busing tables and filling drinks.

I think it really meant a lot to the child and other kids that knew him. One of them said “today is the best day ever.” I think that pretty much sums up we did a good job.

I honestly didn’t want to go to begin with. I am not a big fan of lots of kids. My step-child’s birthday parties are stressful enough for me. But volunteering came with a sense of doing what is right and I had to do was smile and be friendly.
I felt good about this volunteer work. I think it was well worth my time and it made my Master proud.


Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day Woes

My Master has children from previous relationships and for those children we are grateful. I don’t have any children of my own and I can’t have children. To some degree I feel alone because I long to be a mother. It would mean the world to me just to have one little person to call me mom. To look at my Master and I as his or her parents, not just one of us but both of us.

None of my Master’s children are with us on this Father’s Day. They all have lives of their own which I understand. Two of my Master’s children are grown and very successful. He got to watch them grow up and see them prosper. I think it is amazing that he got the experience of being a father and he is a great father. I can tell just by how well his children turned out.

I did get my Master a card from the cats for Father’s Day and they got him some new clothes. I think by creating a family with my cats as the children, it fills a void of not having a family. So my son and daughters have four legs and will never walk or talk. They are still the children my Master and I have had. They are my family.


Thursday, June 17, 2010

Returning to College

After years of struggling with what to do with my life my Master has decided that I will go back to school to finish my bachelor’s degree. I already have an associate’s degree and with the credits I already have it will probably take me about two years to finish.

My Master wants me to just get a generalized business degree. It is generic and can be applied to a number of fields, so it’s flexibility in the long-term will be to my benefit. I am excited about this, yet I am apprehensive. I don’t want to fail and I want to make my Master proud.


Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Erotic Fiction: A Gateway into the Lifestyle?

I have heard some speculate on erotic fiction being a gateway for many into the lifestyle. This was not the case for me. I can see the purpose of erotic fiction as more of a way to express one’s personal kinks and sexual interests. I do not see it as something to base one’s life off of. I see people who are highly invested in erotic fiction as role players and fantasy seekers. Although I can always appreciate a good story, I fail to see philosophy and changing my path in life due to reading an erotic novel.

The problem with using erotic fiction as tool by which to live your life is pretty clear, in my not so humble opinion. One is the characters predicted in these books do not face real life problems like paying the bills, growing old, illness, and etc. The stories leave out the boringness of real life like when you have scrubbed to toilet for the 500th day in a row, there is no longer anything erotic or exciting about it. It is just something that has to be done.

In erotic fiction the reader is always looking for the next adventure and the new adventure should start daily. In reality, a new adventure doesn’t start every day. In fact as time goes on the days become more and more predictable. The days start to become the same after awhile and they begin to run together.

I regress; perhaps erotic fiction is gateway in the sense that it opens the door to the idea of s/m which is quite different than M/s. Perhaps once spanking no longer became taboo for them they were able to open up into more of a power exchange, which I hope they learnt about somewhere other than in fiction.

I am not convinced that erotic fiction is a gateway into the lifestyle, rather I think if anything erotic fiction is a gateway into new ideas for kinky sex and that is about it.


Sunday, June 13, 2010

Laundry Mat

One thing I dislike about service is to going to the laundry mat. Yes, my Master and I have a washer at home but we have pillow top bed pads that can’t be washed in the washing machine. So about once a month I get to brave the laundry mat and the always interesting characters that go there.

I tend to get strange looks because the only thing I am washing is bed pads, not my clothing. So it goes. This is about a two hour project and I can’t leave while I am washing the bed pads. A random person tried to steal one once when I turned my back, so I have to keep an eye on our items.

I hope that someday when we have to buy a new washer we can get a front loader that is large enough to hold the bed pads. So my charming visits to the laundry mat can be a memory.



I remember watching a documentary several years ago on HBO. They were interviewing street prostitutes. One of the prostitutes said that all women are whores they just maybe whore in a different way. I found this interesting because in her mind the basic housewife was a prostitute. Because her financial support came from her spouse and since the housewife was having sex with her spouse this made her a whore for money.

At the time when I first watched this documentary, I was just coming out of a relationship where I was a house slave. My purpose was to cook, clean, and fuck. I was shared openly with others and at the time I could easily see how my lifestyle as a house slave could be interpreted as somewhat less than legitimate work.
Strangely enough as I watched this documentary, it was sort of a light bulb moment for me. I realized I wanted to be able to financially contribute to household without sex being construed as a way of contributing. It was at that point I decided that in my next relationship I wanted to work full-time and I refocused myself on education.

One thing I failed to account for was the difference in income between me and an established professional. My Master now makes significantly more money than me, which has allowed us a comfortable lifestyle. My Master doesn’t hold this against me, but he does call me a whore on a regular basis and he is correct. If it wasn’t for his income we would not have the lifestyle we have and I would not be a part of that if I didn’t have sex with him.

So I think at least in my case the street prostitute was right. I am a whore, just not in the same way as her. I am however happy to be a whore for my Master. It makes me feel content.


Friday, June 11, 2010

Willed Ignorance

One question that always floats in the back of my mind, as a slave is if, momentary forgetfulness of given task is willed ignorance. Is this behavior, nothing more than a mechanism by which to receive attention from one’s Master? At the same time is an unwillingness to learn a new task under the banner of “I can’t” nothing more than willed ignorance?

I think perhaps so. Sometimes when I really don’t want to do something. I loose sight of it or I forget minor details about whatever it is I am doing. I think it is a negative characteristic that I have which to become a better slave for my Master must be over come.

When I loose sight of a given task it is brought to my attention by my Master. Something simple I would not have normally received any recognition from is now the focus of my Master’s attention. My Master gives me a correction as a warning and it doesn’t happen again. But I still had that moment of extra attention from him, where I drove him away from what ever else he was doing . This I see as a negative. My purpose is to improve his life, not to further complicate his life.

I don’t as a rule say I can’t do something. I will always at least try. I may fail the first few times but eventually I will get the hang of it and even become good at it. I think that when someone is capable of doing something but refuses with a blanket answer of ‘I can’t’ it is nothing more than simple disobedience. But I can’t help but wonder if by saying ‘I can’t’ is in fact a way for some to opt out of a challenge. So instead rising up to a challenge they avoid the challenge and choose to remain unskilled in the given area. This to me is a form of willed ignorance.


Wednesday, June 9, 2010

An Overview

I have been in a Master/slave relationship with Master Howard since 2003 and we have been married since 2003. This is my second Master/slave relationship. I have been in the lifestyle since 2001. The foundation of my relationship with my Master is service.

I am masochistic, but I would not describe my Master as sadistic. He does work hard to control my masochistic tendencies. I will talk more about that in future blogs.

I like to work out and I have a goal of running half a marathon by October of 2010. Only time will tell how that will play out.

I work outside the home full-time. I am not currently a house slave but I have been one in the past. Staying at home all day is just not my cup of tea. My blog posts maybe slightly sporadic depending on my work week and the demands my Master has of me.

I have no children of my own but my Master has children from past relationships. I would love to be a mother, but I am not able to have children. I do envy those who are able to have families. I would love to even have just one child to call me mom but I know that is not possible. I find it sad when people don't appear to be thankful for the children they do have and whine about how they want more children.


Re-starting my Blog

It has been a couple years since I have blogged and after careful consideration I have decided to restart my blog. My blog does contain adult content, as I will be writing about the many facets of my life. If you are not of legal age or if you find this offensive; please do not read my blog.

If you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask.