Saturday, September 18, 2010

Crab Salad

My Master and I love to cook. We are currently working on perfecting a fat free crab salad recipe. Our attempt today was pretty tasty.

We used:
1.5 lbs of flaked crab
1 small red onion
½ cup celery
¾ cup Miracle Whip Free
¼ tsp celery salt
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp Old Bay Seasoning

We are thinking about adding either a dash of balsamic vinegar or dill pickle to the mix. We haven’t decided what route to go with that as of yet, but I am sure by next week when we make our next attempt we will have a game plan. Our goal is to have the salad recipe perfected by the family reunion next year. We want to have simple salad choices that are healthy for lunch.


Sunday, September 12, 2010

My Name

Sometimes people ask me questions that make me scratch my head like where did I think up the name Emma. I actually didn’t think up the name Emma, it is my real name given to me by my parents when I was born. I was named after my grandmother Emma, so I do have a family name and because of that my name is something I cherish. Because my name carries family significance, I have trouble relating to people who hate their name.

I do have a slave name, which is M. It was actually given to me by my former master. It means masochist. My Master decided to keep it because M flowed well with my birth name Emma. My Master and a few close friends are the only people that call me M.

My nieces and nephews call my Auntie Em, because my siblings think it is funny. I am from southwest Kansas and in the book for the Wizard of Oz Dorothy lived in the very southwest corner of Kansas with her Uncle Henry and Auntie Em. I think my siblings are sadly disappointed that I married someone named Howard rather than Henry.

Anyways, I don’t use a made up name when I am online because if I did that than in my mind I would be simply hiding behind a keyboard and I would not be being true to myself. I am real person and I want people to know the real me. The real me is named Emma and has always been Emma since my first day on this Earth.


Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Having a child has been semi-officially eliminated as an option. Our appointment at the Fertility Clinic today went poorly. It turns out I am not the only one with fertility problems. My Master’s sperm count is low and combined with my polycystic ovarian syndrome. That leaves us with IVF.

My Master and I have some ethical concerns about using IVF. To some degree I feel it is like playing God and it is not a road I really want to travel down. Sometimes I think God does not give us everything we want and God has his reasons. Whether it is a test in patience or simply not our purpose I do not know. I suppose after I go to Heaven I may ask God.

I am saddened by this and I think that perhaps I just need to refocus my energies. Adopting a child is still an option, but we would have to complete some classes from DHS and save up a lot of money. I just don’t want to find myself out of house and home on a quest to have a child. I think there needs to be reasonable boundaries on what expense we are willing to take on to do this.

Perhaps that reasonable expense is enjoying the children my Master already has from previous relationships and spending time with our nieces and nephews. Maybe we should look at moving closer to family rather than having a baby.


Monday, September 6, 2010

Climaxing from Pain

I can be very masochistic, which is a behavior my Master and I enjoy but it is also one my Master has to carefully control. If left unchecked, my masochistic tendencies become increasing more severe to the point where I could actually harm myself or more often, my masochistic tendencies can take over my life.

Last night, my Master and I had a very nice play session. It was the first one where I actually reached a climax in about a year. My Master started with flogging my back and then he progressed into beating my back with a riding crop. This caused me to climax twice as he was hitting me with the riding crop. I have some nice bruises on my back today and it is a little sore, but even so I find myself craving more.

I can imagine in my mind all sorts of things I would like done to me, so I can climax again. A climax from pain stimulation is unbelievably good. It is better than any climax I can get from clitoral or vaginal stimulation. A climax from pain is so intense and sweet. In those moments I feel truly alive and as weird as it sounds I see a field of flowers when I climax from pain. I have no idea what that means but the field of flowers is always there.

In order for me to reach a climax from pain it requires a lot of pain play and if it is done with any frequency the level of pain I have to experience to reach a climax increases. For instance, when I left my ex I was to the point of having my breasts nailed to boards and a cattle prod used on me. My masochistic tendencies have lightened significantly since then which I have mixed feelings about if that is a good thing. My Master tells me if I would have continued to progress on the path I was on with my ex I would probably be dead by now. That statement is probably accurate.

One of the many reasons why I sought to be owned was to control my masochistic tendencies. I knew they could get out of hand and start to rule my life. I think that everything in moderation is good. Although I would love to be able to climax from pain more often than once per year I know my Master will make it happen, no more often than is reasonable or safe for me.

I suppose, as much as I don’t want to admit it, not giving me everything I want, when I want it, is part of being a responsible owner. My Master is a good man.


Saturday, September 4, 2010

Photoshopping is not for me

I don’t like photoshopped pictures. I strongly feel that photoshopping makes a person ugly, speaks of their insecurities, and lakes realism. I don’t like the Barbie doll look that photoshopping does. I think misplaced hairs, blemishes, scars, bumps, and bruises are what make us human.

I don’t photoshop any of my images, if someone does not like my scars, my blemishes, and etc, then they are not really interested in knowing me. Each of my scars tell a story, why would I want to edit those out of my pictures? Why would I want to remove a blemish? I am human and I like people seeing the real me.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why people who take fetish pictures use photoshop to remove bumps and bruises. When I first became interested in BDSM having marks was cool. Now it is something people edit out of the picture. I don’t understand that. If I get a cool bruise from a spanking, canning, or flogging I want to show that off.

Most of the ‘fetish’ pictures are not any more interesting than a picture you would see in Playboy. That is not very BDSM that is vanilla. So I don’t know, maybe the BDSM community is seeing an influx of vanilla people that like to take dirty pictures of themselves and since they like to take dirty pictures that must make them either a submissive or a slave.

Anyways, I will continue to share my pictures that are photoshopped free because I have a commitment to being real.