I heard an interesting saying today which relates to my struggles with showing leadership.
“Be neither a pessimist nor an optimist, but a leader. A pessimist complaints about what is, an optimist expects the adverse conditions to improve, but a leader takes action to adjust and ensure that they’re ready to cope with whatever may be.”
This is an interesting perspective to me, since I have always considered myself something of a pessimist. I have also never thought about how I react to life’s challenges as a reflection of whether not I have leadership capabilities. I have always looked at leadership as being able to relate to, motivate and to some degree control people. I am something of a push over, so I have always believed that to have worked against me.
I am now starting to wonder if my perspective on that was not entirely accurate. If that perhaps being a leader has not only to do with how I relate to people, but also being the person who doesn’t think dooms day is going to happen and being the person with a plan regardless of what happens.
I think I need to work on finding solutions rather than focusing my energy on the negative.
-emma
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Factual Decision Making
When my Master or I make a decision it is very factually based. It is not based on emotions or the latest internet hype. He gets the facts and makes the decisions from that. My Master believes that by making decisions based on fact rather than emotions or hype, he is making the best possible decision for our family. This is something he has tried to instill in me.
One of the many things I have learnt is to be able to sift through junk research. Junk research is based on assumptions and fails to see the whole picture. Like women who have more than one TV in their home have a higher rate of breast cancer than those with one or less TV. It failed to account for the availability of medical care, age, whether or not the women being pooled were all screened for breast cancer and etc. It is that sort of junk science that gets people going in the wrong direction with things.
When I am making a decision based on fact, I will look at the research from about the last 30 years. I won’t do this online; I will actually go to the library. It maybe old fashioned but material on the internet is not reliable, anyone can write it and leave out important pieces of information.
Making a decision based on our emotions or going with our gut may not always be the best idea. We have to make sound decisions and sometimes that means logic over emotions. For instance, when a child is sick we may want to cuddle the child to make them feel better. When what we need to be doing is getting the child medicine and making sure the child stays hydrated. Sure, we may be able to cuddle the child but taking care of the needds of the child comes first.
I see a lot of people jumping on the band wagon of internet hype. It happens all the time, someone twist words around and state things that are not true to get people to join a movement or change their lifestyle. People are not researching the claims but just going with the crowd because it is popular right now. It is sort of like a fad diet, here one day and gone the next.
-emma
One of the many things I have learnt is to be able to sift through junk research. Junk research is based on assumptions and fails to see the whole picture. Like women who have more than one TV in their home have a higher rate of breast cancer than those with one or less TV. It failed to account for the availability of medical care, age, whether or not the women being pooled were all screened for breast cancer and etc. It is that sort of junk science that gets people going in the wrong direction with things.
When I am making a decision based on fact, I will look at the research from about the last 30 years. I won’t do this online; I will actually go to the library. It maybe old fashioned but material on the internet is not reliable, anyone can write it and leave out important pieces of information.
Making a decision based on our emotions or going with our gut may not always be the best idea. We have to make sound decisions and sometimes that means logic over emotions. For instance, when a child is sick we may want to cuddle the child to make them feel better. When what we need to be doing is getting the child medicine and making sure the child stays hydrated. Sure, we may be able to cuddle the child but taking care of the needds of the child comes first.
I see a lot of people jumping on the band wagon of internet hype. It happens all the time, someone twist words around and state things that are not true to get people to join a movement or change their lifestyle. People are not researching the claims but just going with the crowd because it is popular right now. It is sort of like a fad diet, here one day and gone the next.
-emma
Saturday, December 17, 2011
My Master Believes....
My Master believes the cure for congestion is eating something spicy, not a nice bowl of chicken noodle soup. He believes that the spice will open up the sinuses and make it easier to breathe. I am sick with what I think is a bad cold, but I am starting to think it might be the flu. I have been running a fever for the past two days, I am congested, my nose won’t stop running, it hurts to breathe, my ears hurt, and my eyes are watering.
To help my symptoms, my Master had me make a black bean soup with bratwursts rather than a ham. It cooked throughout the day today and my Master commented on how good it smelled. I couldn’t smell a thing, but I took his word for it. It was good for dinner and it did open me up momentarily. I am now, however, back to not being able to breathe.
Black Bean Soup Recipe
1 lb of black beans soaked overnight and rinsed
1 medium onion
2 stalks of celery finely chopped
2 cups of chunky salsa
1 package of beef bratwurst chopped into pieces
8 cups of water
1 tsp garlic powder
Simply combine in a 5 quart crock pot and cook on high for about 8 hours stirring occasionally.
-emma
Friday, December 16, 2011
Personal Time
As a slave, everything I do is for my Master from sleeping, to doing the dishes, and even having some me time. I do get time to unwind and relax like right now as I write this blog it is my personal time. I am choosing to use this time to reflect on my life and tell my story.
I think that time to myself and my Master having time to him is important. I am extremely introverted, so I do not crave much social interaction. Oftentimes in the evening, my Master will go into his man cave and I will pick up around the house, check out discussion boards online, and my other social networking sites.
I find doing house work relaxing and it is also a service to my Master. Housework is not something that takes my full focus. When I am doing things around the house, my mind wanders about my day. I can organize my thoughts and I can resolve some of the pondering I have been having in a given area. When I am folding laundry or ironing chances are I will be catching up on watching TV.
When I am online on discussion boards or on a social networking site, it is a social outlet for me. Since I am introverted conveying what I am thinking or doing in a written from helps me to be able to relate to people. It also gives me a chance to see how other people interact and what my friends are doing in their lives. It may give me ideas on something to do for my Master or it may make me reflect on how good I have it with my Master.
-emma
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Gor - Why I don't like it
One of the things I get asked a lot is why I don’t like Gor and what I know about. Let us start with what I know about Gor. Once, about 10 years ago before I went to college or even had a GED. I picked up the first Gor book and started reading it. The first thing I noticed is the book was terribly written. Even without being as educated as I am today, I was fairly confident I had more writing skills than the author.
The second thing I noticed is it lacked depth; it had a mystical world that was detailed in a completely sloppy manner. The fact that the detail lacked relevance and purpose gave this fictional world no context. About half way through the book, the terrible grammar and lack of content caused me to put the book down. I have not picked up a Gor book since. I have zero regrets about that.
The reason why I do not like Gor is it is a fictional book which people take as fact and something to live their lives by. It would be like me trying to live my life by the ideas presented in Star Trek. It’s not very realistic and the people who do try to live their life like it is Star Trek get made fun of, a lot. I cannot have a serious conversation with someone about the philosophy of Star Trek or how to live your life like they do on Star Trek.
By the way, the societies on Star Trek were based on different societies on Earth at different points in history. History was a catalyst that gave them a story line that allowed them to dream up their fictional worlds. They were not creating philosophy on Star Trek; they were creating entertainment.
This same is true for Gor. The philosophy which some claim so whole heartily to be in the Gor books is not. It is a work of fiction created for the purpose of entertainment, not for the purpose of creating a manual by which to live our lives. We are not talking about Aristotle. We are talking about a made up book by an author who can’t write that well. It is entirely possible the author took some of his ideas from historical events, just like they did in Star Trek.
If every time someone used a point in history and created a world around it in a story they were creating philosophy that would mean just about everyone is a philosopher. I remember in sixth grade our class had to write a story from the point a view of a young girl or boy living at the time of WWII in Europe. The characters which we created were fictional and the events were a loose representation of whatever it was we retained from history class. Our stories were fiction, but if everyone who uses history as a base for whether or not something is philosophy my entire sixth grade class is philosophers.
The other reason why I don’t like Gor is because to defend the notion of living their life by Gor books is that people live their lives by the Bible. The difference between the two is quite obvious to me, the Bible about God, is considered to be true and to have ACTUALLY TAKEN PLACE. The Bible and other religious books are about things that have happened, not a made up world like in Gor. When people compare a fictional book to something that is taken as truth; they are grasping at straws and cannot formulate a real argument.
All that said, I do watch Star Trek a lot and I am super excited about a new Star Trek movie coming out next year. But I am not going to live my life by Star Trek and I will happily talk with my other nerdy friends about what the story line might be. The thing is neither my friends nor myself are seeking to live like we are on Star Trek; we just like the entertainment.
I think if people read Gor books because they like the entertainment rather than trying to convince everyone of the philosophy or reality of Gor it would be much better received. I do not care if you enjoy the Gor books or if you read them as bedtime stories. If you like that sort of entertainment; I think that is great for you. Just remember, we are talking about fiction and entertainment, not reality.
-emma
The second thing I noticed is it lacked depth; it had a mystical world that was detailed in a completely sloppy manner. The fact that the detail lacked relevance and purpose gave this fictional world no context. About half way through the book, the terrible grammar and lack of content caused me to put the book down. I have not picked up a Gor book since. I have zero regrets about that.
The reason why I do not like Gor is it is a fictional book which people take as fact and something to live their lives by. It would be like me trying to live my life by the ideas presented in Star Trek. It’s not very realistic and the people who do try to live their life like it is Star Trek get made fun of, a lot. I cannot have a serious conversation with someone about the philosophy of Star Trek or how to live your life like they do on Star Trek.
By the way, the societies on Star Trek were based on different societies on Earth at different points in history. History was a catalyst that gave them a story line that allowed them to dream up their fictional worlds. They were not creating philosophy on Star Trek; they were creating entertainment.
This same is true for Gor. The philosophy which some claim so whole heartily to be in the Gor books is not. It is a work of fiction created for the purpose of entertainment, not for the purpose of creating a manual by which to live our lives. We are not talking about Aristotle. We are talking about a made up book by an author who can’t write that well. It is entirely possible the author took some of his ideas from historical events, just like they did in Star Trek.
If every time someone used a point in history and created a world around it in a story they were creating philosophy that would mean just about everyone is a philosopher. I remember in sixth grade our class had to write a story from the point a view of a young girl or boy living at the time of WWII in Europe. The characters which we created were fictional and the events were a loose representation of whatever it was we retained from history class. Our stories were fiction, but if everyone who uses history as a base for whether or not something is philosophy my entire sixth grade class is philosophers.
The other reason why I don’t like Gor is because to defend the notion of living their life by Gor books is that people live their lives by the Bible. The difference between the two is quite obvious to me, the Bible about God, is considered to be true and to have ACTUALLY TAKEN PLACE. The Bible and other religious books are about things that have happened, not a made up world like in Gor. When people compare a fictional book to something that is taken as truth; they are grasping at straws and cannot formulate a real argument.
All that said, I do watch Star Trek a lot and I am super excited about a new Star Trek movie coming out next year. But I am not going to live my life by Star Trek and I will happily talk with my other nerdy friends about what the story line might be. The thing is neither my friends nor myself are seeking to live like we are on Star Trek; we just like the entertainment.
I think if people read Gor books because they like the entertainment rather than trying to convince everyone of the philosophy or reality of Gor it would be much better received. I do not care if you enjoy the Gor books or if you read them as bedtime stories. If you like that sort of entertainment; I think that is great for you. Just remember, we are talking about fiction and entertainment, not reality.
-emma
Friday, December 9, 2011
M/s relationships and the signs of abuse
I often hear M/s relationships sharing the markers for an abusive relationship, but are not abusive. I was strolling around on the internet today and I found one of those articles about abuse, which is supposed to describe an M/s relationship as well. It did not describe mine. Maybe my Master is different but those things in the article were not in my relationship, however I could see them in my relationship with my former Master.
The first thing it mentioned was fearing upsetting your partner and avoiding talking about unpleasant situations. When I was with my former Master, I certainly feared telling him anything and I feared not being up to par. I felt very hopeless in that relationship. With Master Howard, I do not feel that way. I do not fear talking to him about anything, nor do I worry about what his reactions will be.
The second thing it mentioned is financial control meaning your partner would have strict control over the money and not provide for your basic care. In my previous relationship, I wasn’t allowed to work and I didn’t have access to money. My medical needs were not taken care of and I distinctly remember whenever I found money while doing laundry. I would hide it away so someday I might be able to leave.
In my relationship with Master Howard, he does have the final say with how the money is spent, but I still have access to the accounts and I pay the bills. When I am not sick, I am working outside the home in a job that we both agree is workable for us. My Master can tell me to quit a job, if he feels it is imposing too much stress on me. I don’t think this is abusive; it is keeping me from having an abusive relationship with my employer. My Master and I did talk at length before we decided to combine bank accounts and I had a separate account for the first two years of our relationship.
The third thing it mentioned was name calling and attempts to humiliate me. I think this is one of those time and place things. This one did come close to being part of my relationship, but the key difference is humiliation is a kink of mine. If my Master calls me a dirty slut in the bedroom or as part of foreplay, then that is going to turn me on. If we were discussing serious things like family issues, money, and etc and he called me a name. I can see how that would be considered something negative.
The fourth one is controlling behavior with being jealous or possessive. My Master is not a jealous person, but he does want me to check in from time to time. Not because he doesn’t trust my actions, but because he wants to know if I arrived to wherever it was I am going safely. He doesn’t mind if I talk to other people, as long as they are respectful and they aren’t trying to manipulate me. With my former Master, he didn’t like me talking to others and if I ever went anywhere without him. I had to have a minute by minute account as to what I was doing.
The fifth one is threatening behavior and the use of force. My former Master threatened me all the time. He threatened to kill me, beat me, chop me up into little pieces, and etc. Those sorts of threats have never happened in my relationship with Master Howard. He doesn’t threaten to harm me or anyone else to get what he wants. I willingly submit to him and I have a desire to do what he wants.
In regards to force, they were talking about your partner forcing themselves on you to have sex or hit you out of anger. Both of these things have happened in my previous relationship, but they have not happened in my relationship with Master Howard. I have had surgeries, headaches, and just generally worn out during the course of my relationship with him. I have never felt pressured to have sex with him. I don’t get my rocks off from sex, but I have never been forced into it by Master Howard. He was made accommodations when I have been ill or tired. In fact, I have been getting these messed up headaches where I have trouble gripping, seeing, and talking. I told my Master I think it would be hot if he had sex with me when I was having one of those. He told me no, because that could harm me.
-emma
Here is the article referenced in this post.
http://www.ehow.com/how_5662320_tell-abusive-relationship.html
The first thing it mentioned was fearing upsetting your partner and avoiding talking about unpleasant situations. When I was with my former Master, I certainly feared telling him anything and I feared not being up to par. I felt very hopeless in that relationship. With Master Howard, I do not feel that way. I do not fear talking to him about anything, nor do I worry about what his reactions will be.
The second thing it mentioned is financial control meaning your partner would have strict control over the money and not provide for your basic care. In my previous relationship, I wasn’t allowed to work and I didn’t have access to money. My medical needs were not taken care of and I distinctly remember whenever I found money while doing laundry. I would hide it away so someday I might be able to leave.
In my relationship with Master Howard, he does have the final say with how the money is spent, but I still have access to the accounts and I pay the bills. When I am not sick, I am working outside the home in a job that we both agree is workable for us. My Master can tell me to quit a job, if he feels it is imposing too much stress on me. I don’t think this is abusive; it is keeping me from having an abusive relationship with my employer. My Master and I did talk at length before we decided to combine bank accounts and I had a separate account for the first two years of our relationship.
The third thing it mentioned was name calling and attempts to humiliate me. I think this is one of those time and place things. This one did come close to being part of my relationship, but the key difference is humiliation is a kink of mine. If my Master calls me a dirty slut in the bedroom or as part of foreplay, then that is going to turn me on. If we were discussing serious things like family issues, money, and etc and he called me a name. I can see how that would be considered something negative.
The fourth one is controlling behavior with being jealous or possessive. My Master is not a jealous person, but he does want me to check in from time to time. Not because he doesn’t trust my actions, but because he wants to know if I arrived to wherever it was I am going safely. He doesn’t mind if I talk to other people, as long as they are respectful and they aren’t trying to manipulate me. With my former Master, he didn’t like me talking to others and if I ever went anywhere without him. I had to have a minute by minute account as to what I was doing.
The fifth one is threatening behavior and the use of force. My former Master threatened me all the time. He threatened to kill me, beat me, chop me up into little pieces, and etc. Those sorts of threats have never happened in my relationship with Master Howard. He doesn’t threaten to harm me or anyone else to get what he wants. I willingly submit to him and I have a desire to do what he wants.
In regards to force, they were talking about your partner forcing themselves on you to have sex or hit you out of anger. Both of these things have happened in my previous relationship, but they have not happened in my relationship with Master Howard. I have had surgeries, headaches, and just generally worn out during the course of my relationship with him. I have never felt pressured to have sex with him. I don’t get my rocks off from sex, but I have never been forced into it by Master Howard. He was made accommodations when I have been ill or tired. In fact, I have been getting these messed up headaches where I have trouble gripping, seeing, and talking. I told my Master I think it would be hot if he had sex with me when I was having one of those. He told me no, because that could harm me.
-emma
Here is the article referenced in this post.
http://www.ehow.com/how_5662320_tell-abusive-relationship.html
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
What is beauty?
Someone sent me a message and asked me what I think beauty is.
Well, to be honest I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I think true beauty comes from the inside. A pretty face, nice tits, or a nice ass does not make someone beautiful. Their character makes them beautiful. I have never looked at a picture of someone and thought that person is pretty or handsome. I listen to what they have to say, how they conduct themselves, and etc. Those things define beauty for me.
I think that as a 20 something woman there is pressure from society to be stick thin in order to be beautiful. My Master doesn’t subscribe to this. He believes in keeping me in a healthy weight range which means I will not be underweight for my height. Beauty comes from the inside, so my outward appearance should reflect health and part of health is being the correct weight for my height.
When I was looking for a Master, I didn’t care what he looked like. Physical appearance, cock size, and etc were not on the top of my priority list. Beauty came from the inside to me, so it was his character that mattered to me.
Someone could be the most handsome man in the world or the most physically appealing woman in the world, but if they have a bad spirit, if they insult people and are generally rude. They are not beautiful; they are ugly in every sense of the world.
-emma
Well, to be honest I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I think true beauty comes from the inside. A pretty face, nice tits, or a nice ass does not make someone beautiful. Their character makes them beautiful. I have never looked at a picture of someone and thought that person is pretty or handsome. I listen to what they have to say, how they conduct themselves, and etc. Those things define beauty for me.
I think that as a 20 something woman there is pressure from society to be stick thin in order to be beautiful. My Master doesn’t subscribe to this. He believes in keeping me in a healthy weight range which means I will not be underweight for my height. Beauty comes from the inside, so my outward appearance should reflect health and part of health is being the correct weight for my height.
When I was looking for a Master, I didn’t care what he looked like. Physical appearance, cock size, and etc were not on the top of my priority list. Beauty came from the inside to me, so it was his character that mattered to me.
Someone could be the most handsome man in the world or the most physically appealing woman in the world, but if they have a bad spirit, if they insult people and are generally rude. They are not beautiful; they are ugly in every sense of the world.
-emma
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Holiday Spirit
It’s the holiday season again and if there is one thing that can ruin my Christmas spirit faster than anything it is the people complaining that people who are not Christian are taking the Christ out Christmas and the people who think all non-Christians should go back to their ancestor’s country.
The argument that non-Christians are somehow taking the Christ out of Christmas is the most nonsensical argument I have ever heard. Having Christ in Christmas is something done on an individual and family level. It doesn’t matter if my neighbor is Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, or a Christian. It is not going to affect how I celebrate Christmas in my home.
The meaning of Christ in my life is not determined by people outside of my faith, but from my own beliefs which grow by doing things like going to church and reading the Bible. I do not expect people of other faiths to conform to religious beliefs. My country was founded on the idea of religious freedom and if people choose not to be Christians and celebrate Christmas that is their choice.
The other statement about non-Christians going back to their own country is poorly justified. First of all, Christianity was brought to North America by European immigrants who forced their religion on the Native Americans and even went so far to change the names of Native Americans to Christian names. I always ask people when they say that non-Christians need to go back to their own country. What about the Native Americans who practice their religion that predates European settlers? I always get the same oh look followed by “I never looked at it like that.”
In my country, we have the right to practice any religion we want. In fact, I can make up my own religion if I wanted too. I think freedom of religion is one of those things that makes the United States free and it is not American, in my opinion, to want to force one particular religion on the masses.
Part of this I am sure comes from not growing up in a family that was only Christian. My extended family has a wide array of religious beliefs. Each religious group typically has a holiday in December. To keep my life simple, I send out Happy Holidays cards. Not because I am taking the Christ out of Christmas or because I am somehow conforming to what is politically correct. It just wouldn’t make sense for me to send out Merry Christmas carts to my non-Christian family members and friends. They don’t send me cards with their religious holiday events on them, so why should I send them a card with mine?
-emma
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