Ponytails

Whenever my Master and I go to an outdoor event, my hair is pulled back in a pony tail. For me it has been a functional thing, because my hair blowing in my face is counterproductive to whatever is I am outside doing.

My Master also sees a pony tail as functional. When we are festivals or things of that nature, I tend to get sidetracked and wander. My Master will reach out and pull my pony tail if I get too far ahead. Pulling my ponytail makes me stop and refocus myself on him. 

Pulling my hair like that is an easy and non-intrusive way for him to remind me of my place without making a scene in public or in front of family. He doesn’t pull my hair hard. He pulls it just enough to get my attention.

-emma

On being thin

I am a thin woman, I have small breasts, and I only stand 5’3” tall. What does that mean? I get to be the verbal punching bag for overweight women who are jealous, insecure, or any number of other things. I have always been small. I have never been overweight, but like any woman in the world I have had days where I felt fat and days when I felt too skinny. 

I do not eat what I want, when I want. I have an eating schedule and a very restrictive diet. I can’t go off my diet even for a day because if I do it will make me physically sick. My body simply cannot handle the change and the change will mess up my blood sugar. I am hypoglycemic if I eat too many carbohydrates during a meal or if I don’t have my snacks on time. This causes me to get a severe headache and I will have difficulty speaking.  

I would love to be able to eat what I want. That would be amazing to me. I would love to have a donut with chocolate icing for breakfast and a cheeseburger with fries for dinner, but I can’t do that. I would love to be able to have the desserts I make on the holidays instead of just looking at them, but I can’t do that.

 I absolutely hate it when someone who is overweight comes up to me and tells me I need to eat a sandwich.  I am on a restrictive diet which means I can’t do that. I am not going to sacrifice my health because someone thinks I need to carry few more pounds.  If they even took a moment to understand what my life was like with my health issues then maybe they would understand, but I doubt it.

Moving on I am not exceptionally curvy. I do carry most of my weight on my hips and legs but still I am lacking. I have been told directly by a number of overweight women that I have the body of a 12 year old boy or that I am not a real woman. I happen to find this rather insulting and I do have feelings. I do worry about how my body looks just like every other woman on the planet.

Let me take a moment to clear some things up, I am a woman because I was born a female. It has nothing to do with my bra size, the size of my ass, how much I weigh, the length of my hair, whether or not I’ve ever had a baby belly, and etc.  It doesn’t matter if I am thin, average, overweight, or whatever. I am still a woman.

People who say, they can insult me because of my size because they are overweight and get picked on by people who are not me, need to simply grow up.  It is immature and belittling other people to make you feel better says a lot about your character or lack of character. I don’t make fun of anyone’s size. I don’t tell overweight people to lay off the donuts or anything like that. I don’t question whether or not they are a real woman, nor do I attempt to make the very thought of being with them in a sexual manner an act of pedophilia. 

I respect overweight people therefore I do not make fun of their body type. I would appreciate the same respect.

-emma

An Overview of my Early Training with my former Master

One thing I get asked a lot is what my early training was like with my former Master, because as my Master often says. I was pretty well trained when he got me. He just had to put on some finishing touches, so to speak. Let me preface this by saying I do not recommend anyone treat their slave or anyone else in their life the way I was treated. I do not condone violence in anyway, but through violence is how I developed. 

I reason why I have always skirted around this question is because it was and still is difficult for me to form into words.  I don’t know the best way to describe that time in my life, so I will do my best to make sense. I suppose I should start by saying I was young when I went to be with my former Master. I was underage and he was in his 40s. He had been a bachelor most of his life and he had very specific ideas of what he wanted, how he wanted it, and etc. I had to learn to fit inside that box or face the consequences.

He expected me to do as I was told, be quite, keep the house spotless, never get ill, never mess up, and etc. If I failed at any one of those, I would get punished. I would get beaten with closed fists, kicked, slapped, and so on over anything he saw as my fault. If I really made him angry he would lock me away for a time.

My desire to please and to stop this from happening was somewhat futile. He would look for reasons to punish me. He liked hitting me and it aroused him. He didn’t want to hit me because he was in charge or because he could. He wanted a reason and something to point to as the reason why this was happening.  He wanted me to hate it and he wanted me to feel bad about whatever it was I did and feel deserving of that sort of treatment. I learnt to pay very close attention to everything I did and my appearance. I didn’t want him to find a reason to punish me but oftentimes I found myself dealing with situations outside of my experience so on a first try if I failed. I was punished.

We did not have open communication in the relationship. I wasn’t allowed to speak to him in less spoken to and I spoke in the third person.  It was difficult for me because I felt like I wasn’t able to let him know how I felt about anything and it created a no compromise situation. My mental state, health, and generalized well-being were not taken into account with any of his decisions. It was simply about what he wanted with a disregard for anyone else.  The purpose this served for me is I learnt in a relatively short time that my own personal thoughts and opinions did not matter. What mattered was how he felt.

I may or may not go into more details with this in the future. My concern with talking about this openly is someone will decide it is a good way to train a slave and start beating their slave. I can honestly say I do not believe anyone deserves to be treated the way I was treated regardless of the perceived benefits of doing so. This is also a very difficult subject for me to speak about.

-emma

Serving in an Unfamiliar Situation

I think for some people the fear of the unknown can leave uncertainty or even an unwillingness to step outside of one’s comfort zone and do something new or different. As a slave, I am often faced with unfamiliar situations and dealing with those situations can be challenging. Over the years, I have learnt how to deal with unfamiliar situations in a manner that fit my relationship with my Master.

I am generally the one who does all the detail planning on our trips, meals, and things of that nature. This gives me a chance to do research on the area to figure out the places to go and the places not to go. I always have a backup plan just in case the first plan doesn’t work out. Once I have my plan developed I will go over it with my Master before the trip and make any needed chances. This works out well for us.

In an unexpected situation that is unfamiliar to me, I tend to rely more on my Master. I will tend to ask him more frequently if something should be done or if I should do something before I make an attempt. The reason for this is the unexpected situation may have us both outside of our comfort zone so it is important that we communicate effectively.

One thing that has never been allowed to me during the course of our relationship is using discomfort with a situation to be a way in which I could opt out of a situation. I do not always want to face with unfamiliar things, but without being faced with unfamiliar things there is no personal growth. I could see myself getting stuck in a role so to speak with what I could do for my Master if I was never pushed outside of my comfort zone. I feel that if I got stuck in a role, which would mean I am only acting in areas which are familiar to me. It would greatly affect my ability to serve my Master.

-emma

Pet Peeve, Affairs

Quite possibly, one of my biggest pet peeves is people who attempt to justify their actions for cheating on their significant other is because the person they are having an affair with is their “Master.” I do not think an affair can create an M/s relationship. The only thing an affair does is give the parties involved a little trill and an escape from reality.

It’s not so much the thrill or the escape from reality that rubs me the wrong way about an affair. It is the lying and the blatant disregard for their significant other, their children, and their family. An affair costs money and when someone is having an affair they are taking money off their families table.

I hear from people in an affair that money is tight so they can’t leave their unhappy marriage. I always think to myself, “Did they ever consider saving the money they are spending to fuck around on getting out of that situation and spending the time they are using to fuck around on earning money to get out of the situation?” These people seem to have never considered that their choices are part of what is keeping them in the situation they are in. We cannot have everything all at once and sometimes we have to make sacrifices to be able to get to the point of being happy.

The lying just tells me the people involved in an affair have no respect for others. If you are unhappy in your relationship, then state you are unhappy and leave that relationship before pursuing the next. If you think your significant other is going to beat you or hurt you for leaving, ask yourself this, what do you think your significant other is going to do when they find out you were fucking someone else?

If someone has the time to fuck around when their primary relationship is abusive, they clearly have the time to make an escape from that relationship. There are shelters and aide available for people in that situation. Personally, I have been an abusive relationship and I never had an affair. I left.

Anyways, all in all I think people who have affairs need to grow up and take responsibility for their actions.

-emma

Spring is Almost Here!

Spring is almost here and I am excited! Today, I made my corned beef and cabbage because it was St. Patrick’s Day. I have never liked the meal, but I make it to please him and I only have to do it once per year. I decided to attempt to make the meal in a crock pot, I got the idea when my co-workers were talking about making corned beef and cabbage for work in a crock pot since we don’t have ovens.

Anyways, the corned beef and cabbage turned out excellent. It was very tender and falling apart. It wasn’t tough like all my previous attempts at making the meal. The flavor was also good. In the past I had covered my corned beef with ketchup, but this year there was no need. It was truly an amazing meal.

Today, I also had the time to get my garden planted. We bought a couple more pots to expand our garden this year and I am looking forward to refining my gardening technique this year. This year I am growing tomatoes, cucumber, bell peppers, brussels sprouts, green onions, romaine, kale, blueberries and raspberries. I will be posting pictures soon. It was too dark by the time I finished to take a picture.

-emma

Our Ancestors Workload

As I was driving to work the other day, I was pondering about how life was hundreds of years ago when the wife typically stayed home versus the way things are now. Before I left for work I loaded the dishwasher and started a load of laundry. These two things I was not doing by hand and would be completed when I got home from work.

Hundreds of years ago, not only would I have washed the dishes by hand but I would have also washed our clothes by hands on a wash board. I used a wash board once, as part of a school project to help us understand the hard work our ancestors did. Using a wash board is not easy and it was a lot of work.

It was easy for me to see why; it was expected for a wife to stay home a long time ago. The time it takes to do chores back then took longer than they do now. They didn’t have the advantage of technology to help them get their chores done like we do now. It was also easy for me to see why; it is more socially acceptable now for a woman to work outside the home. Simply put, the demands to keep a home running are not as high as they once were.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being a housewife or a house slave. All I am saying is I can certainly see that the housewives of the past most certainly worked harder than the housewives of today. I also think people who work outside the home also do not work as hard as our ancestors. Our workdays are shorter and we also have modern technology to help us get the job done faster and easier with less people.
I think that with the help of technology it is easier for people to balance working and maintaining a home. It does take some degree of planning but I firmly believe it is easier to create that balance in this day and age then it would have been hundreds of years ago.

-emma