I have never really seen much value in the morning. It has always been viewed from my perspective as a drain on my day. I put all the value of a day in the evening and what I do in the evening. The whole showering, eating breakfasts, packing lunches, and etc I saw as part of work. Interestingly, I didn’t see dinner as part of work. I found dinner relaxing and something I do on my time.
I am in the process of shifting around my thinking. The morning is a valuable part of my day. It is the start of my day, where I can do things for me and my Master. The things I already do have a positive impact on our day like cooking breakfast. It is just a matter of me seeing it as bonding time we spend together, much like the time we spend together in the evenings.
I am also rethinking my morning commute to work. I hate the commute to work, but I don’t mind the commute from work. I have always viewed the morning commute as part of work, but the ride home was not. I don’t really have any logic to justify this mindset, but that is how my thought process worked. Now, I am working on looking at my morning commute as a drive to my place of employment. It is time for me to lower my stress levels and relax.
I realize that shifting around my thinking is going to take time, but when I starting thinking that the morning is part of my day. I suddenly felt like I had I a lot more time in the day for me and my Master.
-emma
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Woes of Change
Being on my new diet is difficult. I have somewhat limited options on what I can eat and I am pretty much having to relearn how to cook for my new diet. My diet is low fat, low carbohydrate, and low sugar. My Master was on the Adkins diet several years ago, but he could have fatty foods which more or less made up favor wise for the lack of carbohydrates. Many of the recipes I had for that diet won’t work because they are high in fat and lack a decent vegetable/ fruit element.
I have been experimenting a lot in the kitchen and I have been faced with mostly failures. I feel like I did when I was in junior high and starting to experiment in the kitchen. Failure after failure, it literally took me years to get a decent grasp on cooking. (My parents were the boxed meal people and we had no spices in my house when I was growing up. So learning how to cook did take a great deal of perseverance on my part.)I did come up with a chili, stuffed broccoli, and whole wheat dough recipe that aren’t half bad. But they are still in the tweaking stages.
This whole thing is making me very depressed. It sucks whenever we go out to eat and there are one or two things on the entire menu that I can actually eat and at some places there is nothing. Then the wait staff will always ask if we want an appetizer. I tell them there is nothing on their appetizer menu I can eat. Then they tell me their chips and spinach dip is good. I am sure their chips and spinach dip is good, but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t eat it.
Tonight because I lost some of myself moderation, I had one piece of sugar free candy, a Clementine, and a serving of wheat thins. I realize this does not sound like binge eating to a normal person, but it spiked my blood sugar up over 200. Since my doctor believes I can control this with diet, which is true I can if I don’t do crap like I did tonight. I don’t have anything to get my blood sugar down, other than waiting and hoping it goes down. It did eventually go down.
I suppose this is just one of life’s challenges that I have to face. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am doing a very good job of facing it.
-emma
I have been experimenting a lot in the kitchen and I have been faced with mostly failures. I feel like I did when I was in junior high and starting to experiment in the kitchen. Failure after failure, it literally took me years to get a decent grasp on cooking. (My parents were the boxed meal people and we had no spices in my house when I was growing up. So learning how to cook did take a great deal of perseverance on my part.)I did come up with a chili, stuffed broccoli, and whole wheat dough recipe that aren’t half bad. But they are still in the tweaking stages.
This whole thing is making me very depressed. It sucks whenever we go out to eat and there are one or two things on the entire menu that I can actually eat and at some places there is nothing. Then the wait staff will always ask if we want an appetizer. I tell them there is nothing on their appetizer menu I can eat. Then they tell me their chips and spinach dip is good. I am sure their chips and spinach dip is good, but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t eat it.
Tonight because I lost some of myself moderation, I had one piece of sugar free candy, a Clementine, and a serving of wheat thins. I realize this does not sound like binge eating to a normal person, but it spiked my blood sugar up over 200. Since my doctor believes I can control this with diet, which is true I can if I don’t do crap like I did tonight. I don’t have anything to get my blood sugar down, other than waiting and hoping it goes down. It did eventually go down.
I suppose this is just one of life’s challenges that I have to face. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am doing a very good job of facing it.
-emma
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Addiction
One thing I have struggled with for years is my addiction to soda pop. It was the caffeine in the soda I had an addiction to and I could never quite kick the habit. I was able to cut down in the past but anytime I ever found myself in a stressful situation, I would find myself downing a couple sodas. Whenever, I tried to quit I would get caffeine headaches and I would feel like I couldn’t live without it.
Since at the time, soda was having no real health impact on me, my Master sought to limit my intake but not cut off my intake. He was okay with me having a couple extra sodas to get through an extra long day at work and not say something I shouldn’t in front of my family.
All that has now changed, I found out that my soda intake was raising my blood sugar and caffeine could also have an effect on blood sugar. I have been feeling like garbage for the past few months and that spurred me into action. I was able to finally quit, my soda pop habit.
I was expecting all these withdraw symptoms to make my life hell for a few days, but the withdraw symptoms wasn’t as bad as the blood sugar issues it was causing. I think what changed is I had a motivating reason to stop with the soda. Not some lone threat of one day getting ill from it, but a real treat that makes me like crap.
I think I have a better understanding of addiction now, I can see that a person cannot stop until the addiction reaches a point where the person feels their life is in danger or they truly feel it is for the best.
-emma
Since at the time, soda was having no real health impact on me, my Master sought to limit my intake but not cut off my intake. He was okay with me having a couple extra sodas to get through an extra long day at work and not say something I shouldn’t in front of my family.
All that has now changed, I found out that my soda intake was raising my blood sugar and caffeine could also have an effect on blood sugar. I have been feeling like garbage for the past few months and that spurred me into action. I was able to finally quit, my soda pop habit.
I was expecting all these withdraw symptoms to make my life hell for a few days, but the withdraw symptoms wasn’t as bad as the blood sugar issues it was causing. I think what changed is I had a motivating reason to stop with the soda. Not some lone threat of one day getting ill from it, but a real treat that makes me like crap.
I think I have a better understanding of addiction now, I can see that a person cannot stop until the addiction reaches a point where the person feels their life is in danger or they truly feel it is for the best.
-emma
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Uninspired and Food Woes
I guess I have been feeling uninspired with blogging lately. Every time I try to sit down to write a blog, my mind goes completely blank then I find myself playing jigsaw puzzles on the internet. I feel like I am in a lull. Nothing is terribly interesting to me right now, except food.
I changed my diet over the past couple weeks, so I am eating 3 meals a day and having 3 snacks per day. This means I am eating smaller meals. The purpose of this is an attempt to keep my blood sugar levels at a steady level throughout the day. It seems to be working. I am also limiting the amount of carbohydrates I eat per meal, as not to cause a spike in my blood sugar. So now my diet is low fat, semi-low carbohydrate, and low sugar.
I have been getting terribly sick of steamed broccoli, cauliflower, and salad. My recipes for broccoli are filled with carbohydrates, so I have to revamp our menu. Perfecting a recipe to our taste takes time, but I am getting more flavors into our foods. This makes me happy, but it seems like every day, I am on the internet finding new recipes and modifying them. Hopefully, I will have a new recipe to post, but right now I don’t have anything that is up to par.
I have found that going out to eat is next to impossible. My Master got me a book that tells me the calorie count, fat, and carbohydrate count in the foods at different restaurants. I am figuring out how to make it work. I am starting to think of it as my weekly challenge to find something to eat at a restaurant.
One thing that has happened since I changed my diet is I have lost weight. I have lost just over 5 pounds. I am not concerned about the weight loss at this point, because I am still within the healthy weight range for my height. If it dips down to low then I think I will have to start adding more calories into my diet.
-emma
I changed my diet over the past couple weeks, so I am eating 3 meals a day and having 3 snacks per day. This means I am eating smaller meals. The purpose of this is an attempt to keep my blood sugar levels at a steady level throughout the day. It seems to be working. I am also limiting the amount of carbohydrates I eat per meal, as not to cause a spike in my blood sugar. So now my diet is low fat, semi-low carbohydrate, and low sugar.
I have been getting terribly sick of steamed broccoli, cauliflower, and salad. My recipes for broccoli are filled with carbohydrates, so I have to revamp our menu. Perfecting a recipe to our taste takes time, but I am getting more flavors into our foods. This makes me happy, but it seems like every day, I am on the internet finding new recipes and modifying them. Hopefully, I will have a new recipe to post, but right now I don’t have anything that is up to par.
I have found that going out to eat is next to impossible. My Master got me a book that tells me the calorie count, fat, and carbohydrate count in the foods at different restaurants. I am figuring out how to make it work. I am starting to think of it as my weekly challenge to find something to eat at a restaurant.
One thing that has happened since I changed my diet is I have lost weight. I have lost just over 5 pounds. I am not concerned about the weight loss at this point, because I am still within the healthy weight range for my height. If it dips down to low then I think I will have to start adding more calories into my diet.
-emma
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Maintaining Family Ties
One thing I have noticed over the years is some people use this lifestyle as an excuse to cut off ties with their family. There are a variety of reasons for this from every member of their family being ‘toxic’ to just needing to only focus on the relationship with their partner and/or any children born of that relationship. I do not think it is necessary to cut off family ties for a relationship. My Master and I consider keeping family ties important, but I think it is important to do so in a healthy manner.
My Master and I do have boundaries when it comes to dealing with family. We won’t bail them out of jail or pay for their way out of debt, but we will listen to their life woes. We try to be at our siblings and parents significant life events. My Master’s siblings are all wed, but we make it to my siblings’ weddings and we even went to say farewell to my brother when he was leaving for his deployment. While my brother was deployed, I wrote letters and sent care packages.
What I do and how I handle my family is all very typical. I do not feel cutting off family ties would in any way help or improve my relationship. In my previous M/s relationship, I didn’t have contact with my family. It was seen as an inconvenience and he really did have me convinced that my family must be comprised of bad people.
The truth is the only bad person was the person seeking to isolate me from my family. My family is a little crazy, but what family isn’t? Family emergencies never happen on a schedule or at a convenient time. Making the time for family is worth the investment.
I suppose the key to having a successful relationship with family is pretty simple and can be broken down into 5 steps.
1. Setup boundaries meaning don’t bail them out of difficult situations that they created. Some life lessons they have to learn themselves. But be willing to talk to them about the situation.
2. Do bail them out of atypical situations, like if their car broke down or if they are drunk at the bar and their ride left them.
3. Be a good sibling. Call your siblings and make time for them. Go to their significant life events if you are financially able. Missing a couple hours of sleep for one night because a life event is not a good reason.
4. Be a good daughter or son. Call your parents and make sure they are taken care of. As our parents age, they may need more care from their children. This may mean having to go check on them every day and bringing them meals.
5. Have an emergency fund for family emergencies. If your family is like mine, they are all over the country. We have a fund to pay for emergency trips we may need to make. This is used for illness in the family, death of a family member, and even a mental breakdown of a sibling.
-emma
My Master and I do have boundaries when it comes to dealing with family. We won’t bail them out of jail or pay for their way out of debt, but we will listen to their life woes. We try to be at our siblings and parents significant life events. My Master’s siblings are all wed, but we make it to my siblings’ weddings and we even went to say farewell to my brother when he was leaving for his deployment. While my brother was deployed, I wrote letters and sent care packages.
What I do and how I handle my family is all very typical. I do not feel cutting off family ties would in any way help or improve my relationship. In my previous M/s relationship, I didn’t have contact with my family. It was seen as an inconvenience and he really did have me convinced that my family must be comprised of bad people.
The truth is the only bad person was the person seeking to isolate me from my family. My family is a little crazy, but what family isn’t? Family emergencies never happen on a schedule or at a convenient time. Making the time for family is worth the investment.
I suppose the key to having a successful relationship with family is pretty simple and can be broken down into 5 steps.
1. Setup boundaries meaning don’t bail them out of difficult situations that they created. Some life lessons they have to learn themselves. But be willing to talk to them about the situation.
2. Do bail them out of atypical situations, like if their car broke down or if they are drunk at the bar and their ride left them.
3. Be a good sibling. Call your siblings and make time for them. Go to their significant life events if you are financially able. Missing a couple hours of sleep for one night because a life event is not a good reason.
4. Be a good daughter or son. Call your parents and make sure they are taken care of. As our parents age, they may need more care from their children. This may mean having to go check on them every day and bringing them meals.
5. Have an emergency fund for family emergencies. If your family is like mine, they are all over the country. We have a fund to pay for emergency trips we may need to make. This is used for illness in the family, death of a family member, and even a mental breakdown of a sibling.
-emma
Our New Year Traditions
My Master and I have been together for awhile now and one of the traditions we have is on New Year we do the completely vanilla new year’s toast and kiss. We do this every year and it has become something of a tradition for us. Truth be known, our new year’s toast over recent years has involved sparkling grape juice. I don’t drink alcohol.
We have never over the course of our relationship gone to a party or a social gathering to ring in the New Year. I think it is safe to say my Master and I are not social butterflies. We prefer to stay home and celebrate just the two of us. We do not have to deal with drunk drivers or drunken friends. I have always wondered what it would be like to go to one of the big New Year celebrations outside where everyone counts down to midnight. But as I watch them on TV in their heavy coats and seeing their breath in the air. I find myself content to be at home in the comforts of my warm home and in the loving arms of my Master.
-emma
We have never over the course of our relationship gone to a party or a social gathering to ring in the New Year. I think it is safe to say my Master and I are not social butterflies. We prefer to stay home and celebrate just the two of us. We do not have to deal with drunk drivers or drunken friends. I have always wondered what it would be like to go to one of the big New Year celebrations outside where everyone counts down to midnight. But as I watch them on TV in their heavy coats and seeing their breath in the air. I find myself content to be at home in the comforts of my warm home and in the loving arms of my Master.
-emma
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