Love/Hate Relationship with Work

I have a love/hate relationship with work. I love the idea of working because it provides me with something to do and it is a great way to serve my Master. I am able to bring in money to the household, work on my social skills, and hone my work related skills. I am always trying to learn new things at work, which is great. It keeps my mind active.

The rough part of work for me is the social aspect. There is a social game; you have to play at work to keep your job and to move up in the company. I have found this to be true for every company I work for. There is a lot of saying, “Not a problem. I can do that.” and very little of “why do you not do X instead?” There is also the office dynamics of who eats lunch where and meshing with the right crowd.

For me, my relationship with work and my employer is a short term relationship. I am using them to give me money to support myself. I am using them to learn new things to enhance my skills to make me more competitive in the job market for when I drop them and go with a different employer. By the same token my employer is using me. They use me to get a set amount of tasks done. They use me to keep their business going.

I am replaceable with the company I work for. There are hundreds of people just like me out in the work force. My employer is completely replaceable with me as well. As my Master always, I was looking for a job when I found this one and I can do that again.

What I dislike about working is it takes me away from my Master and I would often just rather be at home baking bread and scrubbing the walls. I also tend to have everything wrong with me that can possibly go wrong. As a result, I miss work. I hate missing work and I feel bad when that happens. I hate having to go in and explain myself the day after I missed my scheduled day in the office.

I missed two days of work this week because of a complex migraine. I didn’t even know I got complex migraines until this week and I am going to miss more work on Friday when I have to go for a follow up appointment with my family doctor. To make a long story short on that, my Master took me to the ER because I was mildly non-responsive and I was seeing star bursts. I also had a moment where I was unable to speak. This is the classic signs of a stroke, which I was unaware of. I thought my Master was over reacting. They did a CT scan which was normal and it was determined I was having a complex migraine. A complex migraine can mimic the symptoms of a stroke.

In a perfect world, I would not work. I would stay home serve my Master and work on growing a side business. But this is not a perfect world. This is real life and part of living in the real world for me is getting up and going to work, when my Master allows me too.

-emma