Cognitive Issues

I have been pondering what to write about and I am drawing a blank. I am on bed rest currently until I get in to see the neurologist. I went to the ER once for what they considered to be a complex migraine, but ever since then I have been having odd issues. I got another complex migraine that was worse a few days after the ER visit and since then everyday tasks have become difficult. I was home alone when that happened and I couldn’t get up to push the button for an ambulance and I couldn’t figure out how to work my phone to call my Master. I do not remember being scared.

I find my job difficult and sometimes even talking is difficult. I have noticed that now when I see flashing white lights, like from a camera, I will black out. This has never happened to me before. I have no history of migraines or seizures. I got two complex migraines yesterday and my Master videoed one to show the doctor.

I have been looking for answers as to what this could be since it is still a couple weeks until my appointment with the neurologist. I have found everything from going nuts, a sodium deficiency, a brain aneurism, and adult onset epilepsy. I do have a family history of brain aneurisms, which are in a part of the brain that surgery can correct.

I don’t have a clue what is causing this, but I just hope it’s not the going crazy option. I have been having very vivid dreams lately. They all seem to center around letting go of life and moving on to the next stage whatever that maybe. I think perhaps that is why I wanted to get preplanning done for our funerals done shortly after this event. I think somewhere inside of me I think I am dying. My Master assures me I am not really dying, but I cannot help but wonder if this is the end of me.

I suppose my thoughts at this point are summed up by a line from a bedtime prayer, “If I die before I wake. I give the Lord my soul to take.”

-emma