Facing Mortality

I remember when I was younger and I thought I would live forever. I thought somewhere in my mind I would be young and beautiful forever. I thought I would always have an active mind and a functional body. I realized the other day, I am moral and death may not be as far away as I once thought. I have always wondered what it feels like to die. I wonder if we will have someone to guide us to the afterlife or if it is a journey we must take alone.

I suppose I have always lived my life on my terms. I went against societal norms to find the perfect relationship for me. I have found the most happiness in my relationship with my Master. We had our ups and downs but in the end. I have had a lot of personal growth throughout my relationship with my Master.

I find myself trying to come to terms with mortality on my terms. I find myself grasping to do things on my terms. With my Master’s blessing a couple years ago, I signed a no life support order and now I am considering a do not resuscitate order. My Master has his reservations about signing a DNR. Therefore for the time being I will not sign one.

I hope that when I die, I was a decent enough person to get into Heaven. I am not perfect, but I hope I did enough to please God. I hope that God forgives me for all the stupid and inconsiderate things I have in my life. I hope that when I die I can find eternal life with God.

-emma