Infertility

My Master and I have been together for nearly 7 years and for 6 of those years we have been trying to have a child. We have not been able to conceive. In the course of our relationship, I have had some medical issues; this has lead us to inadvertently find out that my uterus is backwards. I have no doubt that this contributes to our inability to have a child.

I also fear that some of my masochistic tendencies when I was a teenager may not have helped my chances in having a child. When I was with my first master, he on occasion, put a metal rod up my vagina and shocked it with a cattle prod. I do not know for certain if this action caused any sort of long term damage but from what I can gather from the internet it could.

My Master and I have decided to go visit a fertility clinic to see what our options are. I hope that I am able to get pregnant without having to resort to IVF. I have this paranoia of ending up pregnant with 6 babies. My Master has 3 children from previous relationships, so I really only want one child preferably a boy because my Master’s other children are girls.

In the event I become pregnant, I will have a C-section. I am too small to be able to give birth naturally. My mother wasn’t able to give birth naturally and it resulted in the death of my sister. My other sibling and I were born via c-section.

I don’t know if I will breast feed or not. It depends on if I can. I have done a lot of needle play in the past and I remember at one point being able to feel a little tube in my nipple. I can’t feel that little tube anymore.

So I am hoping visiting with a fertility doctor will clear up a lot of questions for us and help us on our path to having a child. The reason we decided to visit a fertility doctor rather than pursue adoption was due to money. The fertility doctor is covered under our medical insurance. Adoption is not covered by insurance.

-emma