I have always contended that I have a dependant personality. However, I have spent the past couple weeks researching this and I think I am mistaken. I do not show the typical signs of an unhealthy dependency. Since scholarly papers and college libraries are not easily accessed by the typical blog reader. I will reference WebMD for this comparison. I will go through the common characteristics and give my feedback on how they apply or do not apply to me.
“Inability to make decisions, even everyday decisions, without the advice and reassurance of others”
I am able to make everyday decisions and I don’t have trouble making decisions in the work place or deciding what to cook for dinner. Sometimes, my Master will have an idea of what he wants for dinner and I have to use my skill and imagination to make it happen.
Clothes shopping is an area when I do feel the need for reassurance from others, particularly my Master. It has been said by a number of people that I shop like a guy. I go in, I get what I came for and I leave. I am best described as a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. But my Master likes dresses. So I now have dresses in my wardrobe. I do like to wear dresses, but in less my Master states he wants me to wear one. I don’t, except on the days when I don’t feel like getting dressed.
“Avoidance of personal responsibility; avoidance of jobs that require independent functioning and positions of responsibility”
I would like to think of myself as a responsible person. I handle the bills in my Master’s home. I also work independently at work and if I don’t do my work the impact on the business would be horrible. I consider my work important to the customer and the business. If I don’t do my work then my company is out of compliance with the state regulators which causes fines. We don’t want fines to happen.
I hate working in a group and I hate doing the same mind numbing work every day. I like to change it up a little bit and my work gives that to me.
“Intense fear of abandonment and a sense of devastation or helplessness when relationships end; A person with DPD often moves right into another relationship when one ends”
I am very methodical about the relationships I enter into. When my relationship ended with my first master I was devastated. I felt like a failure and my whole world had crowded in around me. I didn’t feel ready to enter into another relationship at that time. I first had to put my former master behind me before I could submit to a new Master. It took me a year to be able to do this.
That year of soul searching helped me figure out what I wanted and what I didn’t want out of a master. There were some things I learnt from my former master that I took into my next relationship, but there were also things I wanted to focus on more, like service.
“Over-sensitivity to criticism”
I am sensitive, but I don’t think I am overly sensitive in most areas. I can take constructive criticism well, because I feel I am learning something. It is the incoherent criticism I have trouble with, but that typically just irritates me and I brush it off.
“Pessimism and lack of self-confidence, including a belief that they are unable to care for themselves”
I am pessimistic. I am the glass is half empty type of person and I do have issues with my self-confidence. I don’t let this hinder me, if anything I work to overcome it and I feel my Master has helped me with that. I have become much more accepting and loving of my body since being in a relationship with him. He quite simply loves me the way I am, regardless of what shape I am.
“Avoidance of disagreeing with others for fear of losing support or approval”
I disagree with people all the time and I argue with people who post inaccurate information. It is something of a pet peeve of mine. So I don’t care about losing support or approval. I think that if everyone in the world allowed inaccurate information to pass on and be taken as golden text. Then in a few generations we would have the movie, “Idiocracy” in real life.
"Inability to start projects"
I start new projects all the time. I love to experiment in the kitchen and I always have a sewing project going. I always need something on my to-do list. (I write my to-do lists, not my Master.)
“Difficulty being alone”
All I have to say on this is I am introverted. I prefer to be alone.
“Willingness to tolerate mistreatment and abuse from others”
I do have a willingness to tolerate a certain level of abuse. My former master was somewhat abusive. I remember one time in particular when I got an infection (from him sharing me with a friend) and I could not have sex for a week as a result. He was so angry with me, it amazed and terrified me. I realized that he didn’t have my best interest on the top of his priority list. Having someone to fuck was at the top of his priority list. I tolerated him for nine months before I left.
I have also worked in call centers for three years, which is abuse in its own right. I have been called every name in the book, but I found my own way to deal with that. I ignored customers when they started cursing at me and throwing a little fit. My typical line was when they asked if I was there was, “I’m sorry, I stopped listening when you started directing you’re swearing fit at me. I am willing to help you but if you’re going to verbally abuse me. I cannot help you.” Luckily, I am out of that field of work.
“Placing the needs of their caregivers above their own”
I don’t have any caregivers but I do have a Master and I do try to place my needs before his. But it typically doesn’t work out and I get in trouble for not taking care of myself.
“Tendency to be naive and live in fantasy”
I really hate fantasy and I don’t understand people that live in fantasy world. Sure, it is fun and all but you’re missing out on real life. Since I am not gorean; I am not living in a fantasy world within a lifestyle context.
My life is based solidly in reality. There are things I want to do or be but I can’t because this is the real world and not a dream.
-emma
References
http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/dependent-personality-disorder
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/
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