M/s relationships and the signs of abuse

I often hear M/s relationships sharing the markers for an abusive relationship, but are not abusive. I was strolling around on the internet today and I found one of those articles about abuse, which is supposed to describe an M/s relationship as well. It did not describe mine. Maybe my Master is different but those things in the article were not in my relationship, however I could see them in my relationship with my former Master.

The first thing it mentioned was fearing upsetting your partner and avoiding talking about unpleasant situations. When I was with my former Master, I certainly feared telling him anything and I feared not being up to par. I felt very hopeless in that relationship. With Master Howard, I do not feel that way. I do not fear talking to him about anything, nor do I worry about what his reactions will be.

The second thing it mentioned is financial control meaning your partner would have strict control over the money and not provide for your basic care. In my previous relationship, I wasn’t allowed to work and I didn’t have access to money. My medical needs were not taken care of and I distinctly remember whenever I found money while doing laundry. I would hide it away so someday I might be able to leave.

In my relationship with Master Howard, he does have the final say with how the money is spent, but I still have access to the accounts and I pay the bills. When I am not sick, I am working outside the home in a job that we both agree is workable for us. My Master can tell me to quit a job, if he feels it is imposing too much stress on me. I don’t think this is abusive; it is keeping me from having an abusive relationship with my employer. My Master and I did talk at length before we decided to combine bank accounts and I had a separate account for the first two years of our relationship.

The third thing it mentioned was name calling and attempts to humiliate me. I think this is one of those time and place things. This one did come close to being part of my relationship, but the key difference is humiliation is a kink of mine. If my Master calls me a dirty slut in the bedroom or as part of foreplay, then that is going to turn me on. If we were discussing serious things like family issues, money, and etc and he called me a name. I can see how that would be considered something negative.

The fourth one is controlling behavior with being jealous or possessive. My Master is not a jealous person, but he does want me to check in from time to time. Not because he doesn’t trust my actions, but because he wants to know if I arrived to wherever it was I am going safely. He doesn’t mind if I talk to other people, as long as they are respectful and they aren’t trying to manipulate me. With my former Master, he didn’t like me talking to others and if I ever went anywhere without him. I had to have a minute by minute account as to what I was doing.

The fifth one is threatening behavior and the use of force. My former Master threatened me all the time. He threatened to kill me, beat me, chop me up into little pieces, and etc. Those sorts of threats have never happened in my relationship with Master Howard. He doesn’t threaten to harm me or anyone else to get what he wants. I willingly submit to him and I have a desire to do what he wants.

In regards to force, they were talking about your partner forcing themselves on you to have sex or hit you out of anger. Both of these things have happened in my previous relationship, but they have not happened in my relationship with Master Howard. I have had surgeries, headaches, and just generally worn out during the course of my relationship with him. I have never felt pressured to have sex with him. I don’t get my rocks off from sex, but I have never been forced into it by Master Howard. He was made accommodations when I have been ill or tired. In fact, I have been getting these messed up headaches where I have trouble gripping, seeing, and talking. I told my Master I think it would be hot if he had sex with me when I was having one of those. He told me no, because that could harm me.


-emma

Here is the article referenced in this post.
http://www.ehow.com/how_5662320_tell-abusive-relationship.html

What is beauty?

Someone sent me a message and asked me what I think beauty is.

Well, to be honest I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I think true beauty comes from the inside. A pretty face, nice tits, or a nice ass does not make someone beautiful. Their character makes them beautiful. I have never looked at a picture of someone and thought that person is pretty or handsome. I listen to what they have to say, how they conduct themselves, and etc. Those things define beauty for me.

I think that as a 20 something woman there is pressure from society to be stick thin in order to be beautiful. My Master doesn’t subscribe to this. He believes in keeping me in a healthy weight range which means I will not be underweight for my height. Beauty comes from the inside, so my outward appearance should reflect health and part of health is being the correct weight for my height.

When I was looking for a Master, I didn’t care what he looked like. Physical appearance, cock size, and etc were not on the top of my priority list. Beauty came from the inside to me, so it was his character that mattered to me.

Someone could be the most handsome man in the world or the most physically appealing woman in the world, but if they have a bad spirit, if they insult people and are generally rude. They are not beautiful; they are ugly in every sense of the world.

-emma

Holiday Spirit

It’s the holiday season again and if there is one thing that can ruin my Christmas spirit faster than anything it is the people complaining that people who are not Christian are taking the Christ out Christmas and the people who think all non-Christians should go back to their ancestor’s country.

The argument that non-Christians are somehow taking the Christ out of Christmas is the most nonsensical argument I have ever heard. Having Christ in Christmas is something done on an individual and family level. It doesn’t matter if my neighbor is Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, or a Christian. It is not going to affect how I celebrate Christmas in my home.

The meaning of Christ in my life is not determined by people outside of my faith, but from my own beliefs which grow by doing things like going to church and reading the Bible. I do not expect people of other faiths to conform to religious beliefs. My country was founded on the idea of religious freedom and if people choose not to be Christians and celebrate Christmas that is their choice.

The other statement about non-Christians going back to their own country is poorly justified. First of all, Christianity was brought to North America by European immigrants who forced their religion on the Native Americans and even went so far to change the names of Native Americans to Christian names. I always ask people when they say that non-Christians need to go back to their own country. What about the Native Americans who practice their religion that predates European settlers? I always get the same oh look followed by “I never looked at it like that.”

In my country, we have the right to practice any religion we want. In fact, I can make up my own religion if I wanted too. I think freedom of religion is one of those things that makes the United States free and it is not American, in my opinion, to want to force one particular religion on the masses.

Part of this I am sure comes from not growing up in a family that was only Christian. My extended family has a wide array of religious beliefs. Each religious group typically has a holiday in December. To keep my life simple, I send out Happy Holidays cards. Not because I am taking the Christ out of Christmas or because I am somehow conforming to what is politically correct. It just wouldn’t make sense for me to send out Merry Christmas carts to my non-Christian family members and friends. They don’t send me cards with their religious holiday events on them, so why should I send them a card with mine?

-emma

A cold and neurological issues = No fun

I am now sick with a cold, in addition to my neurological problems. It makes for an interesting mix to say the least. My vision is now blurred and blotchy. I have also been freezing. I am sure I will be better at least from the cold in a few days, so it is really not a big deal. It is just a new experience for me. I prefer my new experiences to involve something fun and adventurous. This illness stuff isn’t my idea of a good new experience.

My Master has been taking good care of me, but I feel guilty about not being able to keep up with things around the house and I really want to get back to work. Sadly, I do not think I will be going back to work, until I keep up around the house. The rate things are going with my illness that could be awhile.

I have been playing a lot of computer games lately. I have noticed that even with question vision and attention span it is possible to play computer games. It’s not exactly a productive use of time and I fail to see why anyone would want to play computer games on a daily basis. There is after all a whole world outside this house that I am missing.

To keep from losing my sanity, I have a couple goals for each week.

So exciting goals of things to do for this week include:

Working on my quilt
Cleaning off my Master’s dresser
Putting up the Christmas tree


-emma

Things not to say to a someone without children

I read an article the other day about things not to say to your friends who don’t have children. Since I do not have any children of my own it was something I could relate too. A couple of the things that stood out in my mind from the article are how thoughtless and uncaring some people who have children or who are not infertile can be.

It did clarify the way I feel about some things and it finally clicked and made sense. One of the things was not to say, “I want a family.” In reference to either being pregnant or wanting children. The article talked about how that is basically calling the childless person an orphan and inferring they do not have a family. That struck me. I realized that because of the way society has treated me, for not having children, I felt cast aside like someone who doesn’t have a family. I actually have a very large family and a number of siblings. I have a family and I have a big family.

I have heard for more inconsiderate things that the “I want a family.” remark. I have also been told by people outside of my relationship that I have not done my wifely duty by conceiving a child. I have never been pregnant, so in the eyes of some people I was failing as a wife. When I first encountered this rude comment, I would attempt to explain that we are having fertility issues. Overtime, I found there is no reasoning with these people, so I just tell them I am not judging them so I would appreciate it if they didn’t judge me. Then I would repeat the same line with every subsequent comment.

The other thing that gets me about being an infertile adult is how everyone who isn’t judging me for not having kids also has infertility issues, in their mind. It bothers me when someone is talking to me and they have their 2.5 children. Then they start talking about how infertility affected them and their issue was not really infertility it was not getting pregnant on their desired time frame. Then they go on to tell me about all the weird tricks they found to help them get pregnant. I tend to glaze over when I talk to them, because their tricks and ideas probably did not affect them having a baby. They are fertile and they got pregnant because they had sex at the right time. I am infertile. I cannot have children, no matter what foods I eat or what position I have sex in.

One other thing that stood out to me in the article was when a mother says she cannot die because she has children. This would mean that the childless person is 100% expendable and the mother is not expendable. I think when someone says they cannot die for whatever reason; they are being selfish. We all will die someday when God chooses. In the case of being a mother as the reason why one cannot die, I think it is a result of poor planning on the mother’s part.

When my Master and I decided to have a child one of the things we decided on is who would care for any children in the event of our deaths. We can die at anytime and part of being a responsible parent is making sure the child will be taken care of regardless of whether or not we are alive. This doesn’t mean that the death of a child’s parent won’t be traumatic for the child, but the child will get passed it. Kids are adaptable and if a support network was setup for the child before the death of a parent. The child has the best chance possible for a normal life.

The other things in article was interesting, like not inviting someone to parties because they do not have children, apologizing for taking a while to get back to the childless person, and referring to the childless person’s pets as their children. I think apologizing is common courtesy and not being invited to parties happens. There are some parties where children are not invited too. I also refer to my pets as my kids sometimes and I talk to them like I would a kid. My siblings think that is quirky.

-emma

Our Thanksgiving Plan

My Master and I are staying home for the holiday. Our plans to visit my parents fell through due to my Master’s work. This is okay, because it is better than not being gainfully employed and we still may be able to make it for a visit for Christmas or they may be able to come here. I would really like to visit my Master’s siblings one of these years for the holidays but they live very far away from us in Northern states so with the weather it could be easier said than done.

My Master advised me, I didn’t have to cook a full Thanksgiving meal. But as I walked outside and felt the crisp fall air and saw the cases for turkeys at the grocery store I felt compelled to make a Thanksgiving meal. It is not going to be as big as I normally make it, but we decided on doing a pared down meal. I suppose our biggest paring down is we are forgoing the sweet potatoes and we are only making one pie. We are also not making any cookies or appetizers.

What we are having is homemade dinner rolls, broccoli casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, turkey, and pumpkin pie. I am actually looking forward to our Thanksgiving. I think it will be a nice intimate meal. I have spent some time figuring out how to make this meal happen without over straining myself. I have been sick lately (for about two months) so my strength is not where it once was and holiday baking has always been stressful for me.

I have delevoped a game plan, so I am not doing everything in one day. I cannot afford to do everything in one day because if I start having an episode, the whole thing falls apart. I decided on Tuesday, I am going to make the batter for the dinner rolls. It will last in the refrigerator for about a week, so it is okay to make it in advance. Then on the morning of Thanksgiving all I have to do is let it rise one more time and bake it. On Tuesday, I am also going to start marinating the turkey. I haven’t decided how I am going to marinate it. I think my Master and I will discuss that this evening to see if he has any input.

On Wednesday, I am going to make the pumpkin pie. This way the pie will have time to cool and setup before Thanksgiving dinner. Hopefully, my Master won’t get into it. My Master and I have been having a competition of sorts on who has the better pie crust. We each have different recipes. I think the next time family comes into town we will have a taste test. We will probably have to do this with his family because my family has a thing with not eating the crust.

On Thursday, I am going to make the dinner rolls after breakfast and put the turkey into bake mid-afternoon. The sides should be fairly simple to make and my Master can take those over if needed. He likes to cook, so he has said it won’t be a big deal if I need his help. The most complicated side items are going to be the mashed potatoes and the stuffing, both of which my Master likes to add things too.

I think my Master and I have a pretty good game plan. I am hoping everything runs smoothly. My Master and I will not be participating in Black Friday shopping. I cannot think of anything I want, besides my health and I do not think I will be able to find that on sale.

-emma

Rope Flogger

This is a picture of a rope flogger I made. The total cost was about 3 dollars.

You will need:

A wooden dowel
Rope of your desired thickness
Scissors
A lighter
A hot glue gun



First you cut the dowel to about 6 inches, so you have a decent size handle. I used a 1/8 inch thick dowel for the flogger pictured because I wanted a small flogger. If I was using thicker rope, I would have used a thicker dowel.

Then you cut the rope to the desired length and glue it to the dowel. Each strand is about 24 inches long. I start at the top the handle and glue each strand all the way down handle. This makes it more stable. I usually do 12 to 24 strands of rope on the flogger.

You will want to burn the end of each strand with a lighter so it doesn’t come undone. Be careful not to burn yourself or let the end touch anything until it has cooled down.

Then you take rope and start at the top of handle and wrap all the way down the bottom of the handle putting a little bit of glue along the way to hold it in place.


-emma