May Update

So everything is going fairly well in my life. My Master and I went on a camping trip over the weekend. It was a lot of fun and I even caught a fish! It was nice to get away from everything and everybody for a weekend. I really needed that break from dealing with the stressors of the world.

My garden is doing well and I am starting to have blooms on a number of my plants. In a couple of more months, we should have some home grown produce which is extremely exciting to me. I also have been working on the weed battle with my front yard and I am happy to say I am winning that battle.

My Master and I have also been going through boxes and sorting stuff to get ready to move. My Master wants to move out of the city and into a more rural area. I am perfectly fine with this because I am from a rural area, so that sort of life is more comforting to me. The city life is a little too fast paced for my liking.

My job is my job. I oftentimes ponder the wisdom of my decision of not wanting to be a house slave. My employer is annoying and they have had a major problem lately over flipping out over nothing. I have a theory that if something in no way affects the customer; it is nothing to flip out about. It is an internal problem that can be dealt with in a cool collected manner. I hope that someday, if I ever am a supervisor, I can use this experience to help me understand the value of remaining calm and working through things with a reasonable level of urgency.

I actually transferred teams at work, because of my co-workers would flip out and start angry ranting over anything. If the call center misspelled a word or if a customer did something silly, a rant would ensue. Her face would turn beat red and she would start pounding her fists on her desk. She really reminded me of my ex minus the actually physical violence. It is nice to be out of that situation.

-emma

April Update

So I decided to take a break from posting on discussion boards and the like. This is something I intend on continuing. The first couple days of not checking the boards was difficult because I pondered what was going on and if anyone missed me. The answer is no one even noticed I was gone. I do not consider this a bad thing but it did bruise my ego a little bit.

Aside from my ego being hurt, my life is looking pretty up. The time I was spending putzing on the internet I have reallocated for other activities. I have been mostly focusing on gardening. I don’t have the best green thumb in the world, so I have been doing a lot of studying about different gardening techniques and I started our own little mini-garden. Much to my surprise everything is growing. I have tomatoes, cucumbers, green onions, peas, basil, raspberries, and blueberries.

Work has been going well for me, although I find myself with a stronger and stronger desire to quit so I can stay home to be a housewife for a couple years. I am suffering from baby fever. All my co-workers are getting married and starting families. I get to head up little parties for people so I am the one that organizes the work baby showers. It is depressing to pull that junk out and it never be for me. My co-workers have learnt not to ask me when I am having a baby, but every once in a while a new person will ask.

I suppose my biggest challenge as of late, is dealing with the reality that my life is not working out the way either my Master or myself wanted. The think I fear most about not having children is having no one who cares about me when I get older. I don’t want to die alone in a nursing home with no one coming to visit. My twin and I are the youngest of my parent’s children. My older siblings will likely pass before me. My twin has two children and I hope they don’t forget about their Aunt as they get older.

I do not live close to my family, so although my nieces and nephews love coming to visit me. I do not know if that trend will continue once they are grown. Right now, I am the aunt that has extra spending money to take them to do fun stuff.

I do realize that even if I had a child there are no guarantees with that either. No one is with us forever and the said child could become so involved in his or her own life and forget about me. I never worried about this sort of thing until we lost my step-daughter. I suppose bad life experiences are meant to teach us or show us something. Perhaps this is showing me that at the end of my road I am destined to be alone.

-emma

Oh My!

I realized today I have not had a single blog entry so far this year. I guess you could say I have been slacking. I have been busy. I have been working overtime since my employer decided it was a good idea to make a bunch of system changes. It has been making my old paycheck look good.

My Master and I are doing wonderful. My Master took me out for a beautiful romantic dinner for my birthday in February. He is amazing. It was even better because the restaurant was not busy, so I did not have any noisy people to contend with.

My medication for my GI problems is back on track. My normal GI doctor was able to get me my old prescription. So in the end everything worked out okay.

My cats are doing well. My little boy cat is turning 4 in a couple weeks. It is amazing how time flies.

This month is the month that marks me being active in the lifestyle for decade. I am still coming to terms with this because when I was fairly new I used to roll my eyes at anyone in the lifestyle for over 10 years. For whatever reason, they just seemed a little bit off. Now I am worried that I might be a little bit off.

-emma

Why This Year Sucked

1. I found my step-child’s notebook which outlined her desire to kill me and her hatred/ lack of appreciation for everything I did for her. So we sent her to live with her mother.
2. I am having massive GI problems. I found a doctor and the medication that helped. Then they changed my medication and I am back to square one.
3. I have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome and my hormones are such that I could have a stroke at anytime.
4. Because of my polycystic ovarian syndrome and my Master’s low sperm count, having a baby is not a good possibility for us.
5. My nice back office job where I don’t talk to customer’s changed to one where I get to talk to customers.
6. I have to talk to customers on the phone at work without a headset. I have a spinal rotation, so the result is severe back pain and spasms. I really need a better job.
7. I found out my big sister really does hate my existence. We didn’t grow up together and we never had a relationship because she has hated me since the day I was born.
8. My Master forgot to put in PTO time for our agreed upon vacation week. I got to sit at home by myself for a week and do nothing. He is off next week for a whole week.
9. I have had no luck with vendors. I ask for product, I pay for a product, and then they don’t want to provide the product I asked and paid for. Then they hassle me about a refund. Really, if you can’t provide the service you were contracted to do then get over yourself and give me my money back.
10. Despite trying every remedy on the internet and suggestion of my vet to get my male cat to poop in the litter box. He still is content with thinking outside the box.

Granted, things could be worse but I really hope next year is better.

-emma

Sarcasm

My Master has never really been one to like sarcastic responses. He feels that sarcasm is a way of masking the real issue and a sign of disrespect. Sarcasm can allow the person to take the focus off the answer and put the focus on the smart remark.

Smart remarks are never complimented or encouraged because it hurts open communication. My Master wants to know something; sarcasm, no matter how justified I feel it maybe, will help my cause or explanation.

Sarcasm, prior to being owned by my Master and prior to meeting my ex Master, was a part of my life. Being the smart ass made me well liked, but I now know that being well liked does not equal respected. Now that I am more mellow and free of my sarcastic replies I find that people look up to me and they don’t worry about me poking fun at their feelings.

With my former Master, sarcasm was not tolerated either. He always said that the last thing you want to be a SAM, because the other subs love them but the Masters hate them. I asked him once why the other subs love a SAM. He said it was because they say the ignorant stuff that slaves and attached submissives are not allowed to say.

He had an interesting theory, but I don’t find myself wanting to say what a sarcastic slave says. I tend to look at their master and wonder. I think that sarcastic behavior from the slave is a poor reflection on the Master. I always tell myself, I have to think before I respond.

I would rather be the quite on in the corner, than the slave making sarcastic replies to comments and the Master defending it as her spunk.

-emma

Chores Part 1 of Organization

Getting organized can be a challenging task. Organization is key for maintaining a successful household. Without organization the laundry starts to pile up and we may forget to pay bill or pull something out for dinner. This is actually part 1 of a 3 part blog about building an organization spreadsheet. I decided to separate the blog into 3 parts so it would not become overwhelming for the reader.

We are going to start with chores. We all have household chores and we know they need to be done. The first thing you need to do is make a list of all of the chores you are responsible for, even the chores you put off so they get done infrequently.

My list included things like changing the cat litter, dusting the ceiling fans, laundry, filing, and etc.

The next step is creating an excel spreadsheet, like the one screenshot below. In column A I have the day/task and in column C I have the week of.

Then create a row labeled for each day of the week leaving a few blank rows in between each day so you can add tasks.

Then from the lists of tasks you created earlier sort out the ones that are done daily. In my case, the kitchen is cleaned daily therefore on each day of the week kitchen is listed as a task. If there are tasks that need to be done on a particular day, like trash day, put that under the corresponding day.

Then pick one or two tasks for each day of the week you are working. Do not load up the days you have to work with a lot of tasks. Try to keep the tasks for these days short and easy.

On your days off from work put the majority of your tasks and the any time consuming tasks.


In the week of column and on down the spreadsheet you fill in the weeks going Sunday to Saturday. Next to each task of the given week you will put a yes for completed or no and the reason why.

Compassion

One thing that has always meant a lot to me throughout my relationship with my Master is his ability to be compassionate towards me. He understands when I am ill and supports me emotionally. He is my best friend and he never starts to act like the cliché uber dominant. One of the things I envy about my Master is his ability to listen to the pitfalls of my day and the worries of my life.

Compassion was not one of the traits I was actively looking when I was searching for a Master. At the time, I did not view it as either a needed or dominant trait. I lacked the understanding of why such a trait is important in an M/s relationship.

I can see now how compassion has benefited our relationship and has made it whole. I am allowed to be human and not just a toy. My Master recognizes that I like every other person in the world has needs and some days I am not capable of doing something. His compassion allows him to be understanding of those things without the desire to punish me.

If feel that at least for us compassion adds a sort of stability to our relationship and an understanding that at the end of the day we are both human.

-emma